


Nothing Quite Prescribable

by PantyPoison



Category: Dangan Ronpa
Genre: Copious Amounts of Fluff, F/F, F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Probably a little OOC, Self Indulgent High School AU, Sister/Sister Incest, having a crush while dealing with Brain Problems, in which junko is somewhat decent but still mentally ill
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-29
Updated: 2015-03-09
Packaged: 2018-02-15 06:09:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2218704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PantyPoison/pseuds/PantyPoison
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Junko stumbles out of the hospital and falls head over heels for her twin. Join her as she strives for peace of mind, reaching first base, and possibly a good GPA.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Sometimes revelations just hit you. Like that last piece of candy at the bottom of the bag that you weren't expecting or an epilogue on the last page of a book that you could have sworn you read front to cover. It's an unexpected but not unwelcome surprise. Unfortunately, when this kind of stuff happens to people instead of things, it's not always so simple. In fact, it can be rather inconvenient. Just when you think you have your life all figured out, every strength and flaw that forms your being, the universe throws you for a loop.

 

You can either run from it (futile), fight it (a brave endeavor, but altogether useless. It's a part of you, honey, it's not leaving.) or you can just crash right into it and embrace it, whatever the consequences.

 

It may be a challenge, but really, challenges are nothing new to me. I'm a teen model (on _hiatus_ not retired, thank you very fucking much), survived an alcoholic father and an abusive mother, got diagnosed with a severe type of mental disorder, and managed to nearly drown myself in a bathtub full of my own blood before being whisked away to a psych ward for thirty days. Despite all that, I'm still alive and considerably well for my circumstances.

 

I thought I had seen every curve ball that was going be thrown my way, but apparently not.

 

It was the day after I got home from the hospital, and I was lying in  _my_ _OWN_ bed for the first time in a month. After many sleepless nights on a creaky and stiff hospital mattress, I hadn't realized that I had been taking my own bed for granted all these years. I never wanted to leave it, but I had to. It was the beginning of September, the end of our summer break. I had just gotten home and now I had to leave again until the holiday break. I hadn't talked to any of my friends since mid-July, when I had started to pull inwards and isolate myself in my room, only speaking to other people in different personalities that I made up for myself. A girl with a crown on her head, or drooping mushrooms, or using an overly cute voice to hide my crumbling mental state.

 

Funny, right? Hahaha, grow up, Junko, you're thinking. Like I haven't heard that one a million time.Thankfully I had not said anything too incriminating while doing this, that always made things  _so_ awkward, but what if none of my friends wanted anything to do with me now? Despair started to creep over me. I would live in the bathroom, sequestered from all my classmates, and pretend I was a ghost of a dead girl that lurked the school. Not very interesting, but a fate that I probably deserved.

 

While I was fretting, I heard the soft sound of the door being opened and footsteps on carpet approaching my bed. I closed my eyes, pretending to be asleep.

 

“Junko? Are you getting dressed?”

 

It was just Mukuro, my twin sister. “Does it look like it?” I asked, punctuated by a loud yawn. I didn't make any move to exit the bed.

 

She sighed. “Well, if you don't get ready soon, we're going to be late.”

 

Of course she'd want to be punctual. “Where would I ever be without you to keep me in line?” I remarked and threw the covers up over my head in defiance. I wanted to be difficult that morning so that I could get her attention. Mukuro had seemed so distant since I came home yesterday and I couldn't figure out why.

 

Footsteps walking away, oh no, was she mad? Damn it, that went wrong. Maybe if I put on a cute face fast enough she would forgive me. After a beat I felt a pillow collide with my head from outside the blanket and I yelled, turning over. The comforter was lifted away from my face and there she was.

 

Her face, freckled and narrow, framed by sleek black locks. I wanna run my fingers through them. She smiled for the first time since I got back, which made me smile too. Like looking in a mirror. Her face was surrounded by the hideously bright light that streamed in from outside so that it made her look downright angelic looking down at me. She reached down to brush some of the hair out of my face and tucked it behind my ears. “That's what sisters are for.”

 

It hit me like lightning. I think the realization make me smile even wider, so I probably looked positively manic.

 

I, Junko Enoshima, was in love with my fuckin' sister.

 

Mukuro rolled her eyes. “Stop giving me those doe eyes and get dressed!” she beat once more with the pillow before striding out of the room.

 

By some sort of miracle, I managed to get out of bed and decently made up to go to school. Mukuro had already put my belongings in the car, just a suitcase with a few of my favorite clothes and other things, the few trinkets I was actually allowed to have in the hospital. The rest of my things were still in my dorm at school.

 

When we're not in the lavish dorms of the Academy, we live with our aunt and uncle who took us in from our less than ideal living situation. After our dad had hung himself one night after drinking too heavily, Mom really went off the deep end. She started beating us regularly, blaming us for dad's departure. She liked to push me around the most, since I had was getting a lot of money from my modeling gigs at the time, which she would steal. She threatened to kill us if we ever told anyone what went on in that house.

 

Around that time, Mukuro ran away. She wanted to fight back against our mom, to make sure that she could never hurt her again. It stung at the time but I couldn't blame her. An organization called Fenrir had drawn her attention online, through private forums and creepy websites that required passcodes to navigate. I guess I just didn't have the guts to go with her. My home life was a despair-filled one, but it was familiar. Of course my mother blamed me for Mukuro's absence, the disappointing younger sister. I was the whore, the hussie, the one who deserved to be locked away in my room until Mommy Dearest was so gracious enough to release me. Mukuro and I kept in touch through letters, but those never came quickly enough.

 

In the three years of Mukuro's absence, when our mother was at her worst, I was out of control. At the hospital I was officially diagnosed as a psychopath, with some dissociative tendencies. I like to think that I've been one ever since I was a baby, because I don't like to give credit to my shitty parents for anything, but a lot of it is probably their fault. With a home life like mine, you don't come out of it without developing some skills to protect yourself. I'm not saying a mental disorder was the ideal solution to dealing with their abuse, but it worked. I could summon the strength to be as violent and fierce as I wanted. I had the courage to retaliate against my mother, despite her being forty pounds heavier than me and a habit of pining me under a sharp boot heel when she deemed me “too snappy”.

 

It's not all fun of course. I get terribly caught up in episodes of despair as well. I found it almost comforting, in a way that only intense sadness could be. I had always loved morbid things, so my fixation with despair felt all too natural. Reveling in my hopeless life seemed much better than wallowing in it. Some days I positively hated it. My despair has highs and lows, but back then it was truly the hopeless sort.

 

So with no friends or sister to entertain me, I eventually made up my own friends. I invented several personalities, a professor, a princess, even a teddy bear that could talk! The possibilities were endless. At first I only needed them to survive under my living conditions. Later, when me and Mukuro started going to a proper school, they began to manifest themselves regularly. I brought them out when I was scared, overwhelmed, or hell, even excited! I have seven regular personas, and depending on the situation I could sometimes go through them all in a matter of minutes. I found myself getting into character quite often, just to have the satisfaction of being someone else rather than a shut-in model who couldn't defend herself against her own goddamn mother. I mean, this woman could depress me, a fuckin' despair junkie, and beat me into submission on a weekly basis.

 

I made a pact with my sister not to dwell on her too much, so I try not to think about her these days. Anyway. After Mukuro came home, Mom became even more aggressive, claiming that Mukuro was selfish. She had changed her last name, “betrayed” the family. The physical fights became less frequent, however. The sight of my sister's new wolf's head tattoo, bruised and menacing on her pale flesh, a harsh reminder of the training she had received, always made our mother falter.

 

We lived in constant stress and agony. More than once we were forced to live on the streets because our mother would get behind on rent without letting us know. Things picked up when we received a letter from Hope's Peak Academy, inviting my sister and me to join the ranks of the most prestigious students in the country. We fit in surprisingly well. School was the only thing that kept us going, seeing our friends and being in an atmosphere that was actually peaceful. Apparently the staff had been expecting that something was wrong. The day Mukuro showed up to school with an untreated dislocated shoulder we were called into the headmaster's office and broke down. We spilled everything, shaking because we thought for sure if Mom got taken away that me and Mukuro would be split up by the merciless foster care system.

 

Thankfully we were both friends with the headmaster's, Jin Kirigiri's daughter, so he knew us fairly well. He's a pretty powerful man. He founded Hope's Peak Academy, which is one of the best schools in the nation for gifted kids. With all the special programs it facilitates and successful graduates going out to do tremendous good in the world, Jin Kirigiri is hailed as a visionary. He used his high standing to ensure that my sister and I would not be separated or even set foot in a foster home. Our mother was taken to jail and Mukuro and I were safely placed with relatives, on the condition that we could not speak with our mother for some time. No objections from me and Mukuro.

 

Hard to believe it had been two years since then. Mukuro and I had stuck together through it all. We had always been close, relying on each other instead of our horrid parents. That's why it was particularly upsetting to me that she had been so cold since I returned home from the hospital. We had no problem showing affection toward each other normally, but Mukuro had only offered me some platitude like “Oh, it's good to have you back,” yesterday. Seriously? What planet had I come back to? Where was my fond embrace from my adoring sister who had suffered in my absence?

 

“If you keep twisting your hair like that, you're gonna yank it all out,” Mukuro said, not taking her eyes off of the road.

 

I had been wrapping locks of my hair anxiously around my fingers the whole drive, and saw little blonde strands decorating my skirt. I instantly stopped and clasped my hands together self consciously. The last thing I needed was to add another bad habit to my list.

 

I turned my attention to Mukuro instead. Had she always been so pretty? It was so sunny that morning, making her jet black hair shimmer. Gods, _stop it._ Maybe it was the fact that I had not seen her for so long. I had to put off my epiphany from this morning and focus on what was bugging her first, then I could deal with the other...more tricky stuff.

 

“Hey, sis?” I asked.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Did I happen to miss something while I was away?”

 

Mukuro was silent for a few beats, and I could see her visibly tense. “You were gone for a month, Junko. There are a number of things you could be referring to.”

 

“I meant between _us,_ silly.”

 

She seemed to be mulling it over in her mind as she pulled into the Academy's parking lot. As she switched the engine off, her fingers returned to the wheel where she drummed them pensively. “Nothing.”

 

Bullshit. “Whaddaya mean, nothing?!”

 

She looked over at me, her expression even. “What did you expect?”

 

“If everything's fine, then why have you been acting weird around me? I thought that you would be happy to have me back home, but it's like you're...I dunno, you're just not.”

 

She looked straight ahead and sighed. “I didn't say that.”

 

I crossed my arms. “You don't have to, I can read it all over your face! It's like you don't even give a shit about me anymore.”

 

My sister doesn't get angry a lot, not with me. She might be the Ultimate Soldier at Hope's Peak but she's about as aggressive as a baby field mouse. That's why it was so unsettling to see the rage burning behind her blue eyes when she whipped her head back in my direction. “Of course you would say that. It's always about you, right Junko?” She opened her door, got out and slammed in my face just as quickly.

 

Here comes Junko to fuck everything up again, how does she do it, ladies and gents?! I cursed as I undid my seatbelt and got out of the car as well. She was walking briskly away from me and I had to power walk to match her pace. “Mukuro, come on!” I said, my voice doing that whiny, grating thing that it does when I'm getting nervous. I grabbed onto her arm and she stopped.

 

“How dare you say that to me, that I don't care. Do you even remember who took you to the emergency room, when you were bleeding to death? Do you?! I saved your life, you little idiot,” she said, hurt as well as anger evident in her voice now.

 

I barely stopped myself from saying 'you were?', because it was honestly news to me. I wasn't at the helm of my mind that night, that honor belonged to Monokuma. He's the teddy bear that I mentioned. He doesn't have much regard for real world matters, much less inflicting harm upon a human body. Under his influence, I had slit my wrists after a particularly bad panic attack one night. A fun exercise for him, but unfortunately, blood had seeped out of my veins instead of stuffing. So, so much blood. I had assumed an ambulance had to come to the house, but hearing that it was _Mukuro_ who had to see me in that state...I felt like dirt, lower than dirt even.

 

I sighed. “I...I know you did. And I fucked up, alright? I should have been stronger, more like you. But it wasn't me...that night..you know?”

 

She looked skeptical. “No, I don't.”

 

My hands went up as if I was trying to gesture something but gave up. Mukuro knew about my diagnosis, how could she not? We spent nearly all of our lives together. She didn't understand it a lot of the time though, which I couldn't blame her for. “You know I'm crazy right? You've told me that.”

 

“So now you're trying to guilt trip me?! I wasn't trying to hurt your-”

 

“Nooo, god, Mukuro! I don't care what you call it, I'm messed up! That's what I'm trying to tell you about that night. I had a delusion and didn't realize what I was doing until it was too late. I didn't _mean_ to hurt myself so badly, it was just...look, I was panicking and things escalated from there. I couldn't control it.” I wanted to scream, kick something, pretend to be someone else so I wouldn't be having this embarrassing conversation. Mukuro would have let me too. Bless her heart, she lets me get away with fucking everything. So I had to control _myself_ this time.

 

She looked like she was considering what I had just said. She still trusted me at least, a good sign. I wouldn't even give myself that much credit. “So...you just got triggered or something, right? You weren't trying to die?”

 

I nodded, thankful that even when we were fighting we could always get on the same wavelength. “Yeah, of course! I'd never leave you, you know that.”

 

She didn't say anything. I wasn't sure if I had convinced her of anything.

 

I threw my hands up in exasperation.“You don't have to forgive me right away, in fact, you can take as long as you want, I just...want to know that you're okay. You're my most important thing. You're the only one whose opinion I give a shit about, and I figure...if I'm doing fine by you, then I can't be all that bad.”

 

Still silent. I was about to back off and leave her alone before she burst out laughing. “Nice speech. You're always so dramatic, you know that?”

 

Her smile made the weight that had been on my back evaporate instantly. I put a hand on my hip and tossed my hair to one side. “I _am_ a fashionista, you know. It's in my nature.”

 

She smirked. “Next thing I know you'll be declaring your love for me.”

 

I froze. I could do it. The opportunity was right there.

 

No, even _I'm_ not that obvious. I coughed nervously, “Pssh, well...w-we're not in some campy sisterly bonding movie.”

 

She stepped forward and put her arms around my neck. “I get it, alright? I love you too,” It made me feel warm all over, but also something else. Like my balance had been restored. Call me corny, but she's my twin, my other piece of myself. My first hug from her in a month! I was on the moon. I pulled her close, just to refresh myself on the feeling of her weight against mine. She didn't seem to mind.

 

Just then the fuckin' bell rang. I let out a complaining noise as she pulled away. “Oh, stop whining! Your first day and you're already tardy?!Really, Miss Enoshima!” Mukuro chided me jokingly before darting away.

 

“H-hey wait! We left all our shit in the car!” Wait, was I being the responsible twin? Maybe I did come back to a different planet.

 

“We'll get it later. You better hurry up, it's a race!” Mukuro called back.

 

I started after her, but not before I touched my cheeks. They were warm. I was blushing like a silly little schoolgirl over a dumb little hug. Girrrrrl, have you EVER got it bad.

 

We barely made into homeroom on time, as our faithful class representative didn't hesitate to remind us.

 

“Finally, Enoshima and Ikusaba! Pay attention the the clock next time, will you? A bad start on your attendance could put you at a huge deficit compared to your peers!” Kiyotaka Ishimaru was as lively as ever, standing at the front of the class in what was probably supposed to be an intimidating pose.

 

“Cut 'em some slack, bro,” said a rough voice from the back of the room. “Our little superstar just got out of the loony bin yesterday.”

 

Oh Mondo, full of charm as ever. Ishimaru responded my slamming his hands down on a desk, making half the room jump at the noise. “I was fully aware of that! I was merely holding off until Junko made it clear that she felt comfortable discussing it. And the term you used is horribly offensive, it's called a psychiatric hospital!” He was looking back at me in frantic distress, afraid that I might be wounded by Mondo's words.

 

Mukuro looked ready to pounce on Oowada, but I just shrugged. “Oh calm down, Taka, it's not a big deal! Oooh, watch out, I'm fresh outta the psych ward!” I put on my best crazy expression, which made Mondo burst into laughter.

 

“Junko, that's not funny.”

 

At Mukuro's steely gaze I stopped. I didn't want to get out of her good graces already. “Aww, relax sis, I was just-”I was cut off as I was grabbed from behind, someone nearly squeezing the life out of me.

 

“Junko, hey! Ohhh it's so good to see you!”

 

I couldn't even turn around, but I recognized the perky voice instantly. “Hi...Hina. Did you, uh...happen to get stronger?” I managed, gasping.

 

Asahina let go with a laugh. “Oops! Not really, but I did get a lot of swimming in this summer! Did you get the card we sent?”

 

When I was in the hospital, the whole class had signed a card and sent it to me. I'm not one that cries easily, but I have to admit that my eyes did get a little cloudy...and I might have shed a small tear...alright, I was moved, okay?? I made a mess of my eyeshadow over these guys. That's how special they are to me.

 

“Yeah, I did. Was that your idea?”

 

She shook her head. “Nope! It was Chihiro's, actually. Right Chihiro?”

 

The slight girl (she was wearing a dress today, so I made a note to myself to use 'she' pronouns just to be safe) came to stand beside Asahina. “W-well, when Mukuro told us what happened, I just thought it would be nice to have something to remind you of home. It wasn't that great of an idea, really...”

 

Asahina jabbed at her shoulder playfully. “Oh, don't be so modest! Hey, if you think I got stronger, you should feel Chihiro's grip, Junko. Me and Sakura let her join in on our workouts. I think they really helped!”

 

“Indeed,” a voice rumbled from behind them, and there was Asahina's massive girlfriend Sakura. “I'm also glad that you are well, Junko.”

 

“C'mon, show her your moves!” Asahina said, pushing Chihiro in my direction while Sakura shook her head. She probably had a breakfast full of sugar this morning.

 

“B-but-” Chihiro started.

 

“Now, now. We wouldn't want anyone to get hurt by your new found strength, would we?” said a sickly sweet, familiar voice.

 

I turned around to see Celes. She was one of my best friends at the Academy besides my sister, along with Kirigiri. I could see she was still looking ridiculous in that gothic lolita getup. I had told her to quit wearing it one time on account of it looked stupid, to which she responded that I was just jealous that I couldn't pull it off. I never said anything after that because she was right. “Hell yeah, now it's a party! Wish I would have had you when I was locked up, it was pretty boring.”

 

She put a hand over her mouth and laughed. “Is that a roundabout way of saying you missed me?”

 

“Still can't get anything past you, huh? Now don't stand there and tell me you're too good to hug your old pal Junko,” I said sweetly, holding out my arms.

 

“She may be, but I'm not,” and with that a cast iron grip enfolded me, trapping my arms to my sides.

 

“Easy, Kyouko, holy shit!” I shouted. “Are you gonna slap me in handcuffs next?”

 

“How forward of you,” Mukuro quipped, laughing as Kyouko released my arms and took my wrists behind my back just as quickly and _roughly_ as she could. This girl is scary intense.

 

“Did you want me to? I'm afraid the teacher forbade me from bringing them to school with me, so I'll just have to keep you in my sight at all times.” She let go of my hands, spun me around by the shoulders and whispered in my ear. “So don't you dare try leaving us again, are we clear?”

 

It's funny how it takes almost dying to realize just how strongly people give a shit about you. With the exception of Mukuro, I tend to get stuck in the mindset that people are actually only tolerating my friendship or using my popularity to get somewhere. Kyouko's concern was real. “Yes, officer,” I said jokingly with a mock salute.

 

Mukuro put a hand on my shoulder and looked back at Kyouko. “Trust me, I'm not letting her out of my sight for a while.”

 

She then turned to me and winked, and wow did my knees ever go weak. Did she really have to do that?

 

Kyouko chuckled. “See that you do. I trust you more tha Junko herself on taking care of her well-being.”

 

I rolled my eyes, but I was smiling. I missed her bluntness. “Gee, thanks. Say, where's Makoto?”

 

“I'm here!” Speak of the devil, he had been standing behind Kyouko that whole time. He's a quiet guy, but you'll never meet anyone with a less threatening disposition. He was the first male friend I ever had who wasn't just trying to get a date, which I had appreciated immensely at the time. He was close to Mukuro too.

 

I surprised him by giving him a hard hug. I was going overboard with that today, it seemed. If this got outside homeroom, my reputation as a crazy, intimidating fashionista would be ruined. He had been around for Mukuro while I was away. I suspected that Mukuro was probably really shaken up after having to deal with me, so what the hell. He deserved it.“That's for keeping my sister company while she was missing my considerable self.”

 

He seemed a little embarrassed. “Ahh, it wasn't easy. After all, you're pretty hard to replace, you know?”

 

I grinned and ran a hand through my hair dramatically. “You flatter me, Mr. Naegi! Does your little girlfriend know about you flaunting your charm like that? Where is she, anyway?” I asked, scanning the room for Sayaka.

 

Makoto smiled shyly. “She's on still on the last leg of her tour right now, but she'll be back in a week! She offered to give you a private concert, to celebrate your coming home.”

 

“Ooooh, a private concert, eh? Just what does that entail?”

 

“Please excuse her, Makoto, being released to the outside world has my sister very excitable,” Mukuro sighed as I grinned cheekily.

 

I manged to say hello to everyone else before our teacher arrived. Hifumi and Yasuhiro congratulated me on my “survival”, as if I had just returned from some epic quest. Leon was happy to see me as well, though I suspected it was because he wanted to get in my good graces. The twerp had a very obvious crush on Mukuro. He proceeded to show us a bruise he had gotten over the summer, a large purple spot under his ribs. Was he trying to be manly? Did he think Mukuro was that simple, to get all wet over this his wittle boo boo? This was my apparent competition. What a joke! Still, I'd have to keep an eye on him. Even if Mukuro ended up rejecting my more-than-sisterly affections, she deserved better.

 

The ever prestigious Byakuya Togami barely looked up from some expensive looking book he was reading, only giving me a slight nod. Lastly there was Touko, who sat behind Byakuya and stared at him in adoration until I walked by. She looked at me in surprise. Touko and I used to be close. I mean, I'd stayed at her house before. We would gravitate to each other during parties. She had been so shy in our middle school days and I had always been very outgoing, so I was always coaxing her to try new things, sing karaoke with us, or terrorize the boys with the rest of us girls. Soon enough, she pulled herself out of her sad, reclusive shell and became close with all of us.

 

Around that time, my mom was still in my life and raging. Touko turned out to be an excellent listener. When I couldn't sleep and Mukuro wasn't awake, she and I would text back and forth, sometimes until we had to go to school the next morning. She also had a weird side to her, like me. Well, maybe not entirely like me. Touko was just Touko, whereas I had a mental condition that made me act out on occasion. Still, it worked out.

 

When her novel got published and I started modeling, something changed. Now, I'm not trying to be haughty here, but I honestly believe she was jealous. I was the object of every teenage boy's affections and yes, a good many girls too. Mercy. My face was in all the teen magazines that were circulating. People would ask for my autograph at school. Book writing just doesn't get you the same kind of fame. We had a huge fight eventually. I called her a bitch, she called me a slut, blah blah blah. You get the idea. It wasn't pretty.

 

Since then our relationship had been pretty tense. We would get into fights every now and then. She caught me on a day when I was using my princess persona. Possibly my most patronizing character, who wears a crown and talks down to everyone she meets. She and Touko must have exchanged a lot of harsh words because she didn't speak to me for weeks after that incident and I woke up in the detention hall. I don't always remember how I act when I experience a dissociation, but Mukuro filled me in, telling me that I had been spouting off about how meager my classmates' accomplishments were in the grand scheme of things and Touko had taken it personally. I had insulted Touko's audience to her writing after all, her biggest fans. So apparently we made a huge scene fighting in the middle of class. Fuck, I wish I could remember it, just to see Touko's wrath in action!

 

Okay, maybe I felt a little guilty, but that sort of thing is nothing new. It was just like the Monokuma incident. When I get into a new personality, it's near impossible to stop. Therapy had been helping, and so far I hadn't done anything like that since the night I was taken to the hospital. If I could get rid of my psychosis, or at least keep it under some semblance of control, it might ease up on some of the resentment Touko and I still had towards each other. Keeping grudges is too exhausting, especially when you're me and have more important shit to be worried about.

 

So, with every intention of being as polite as I could be, I raised my hand in a little wave. She stood up abruptly from her seat, her chair making a horrible screeching noise across the floorboards. Togami even looked up, his eyes flicking between the two of us suspiciously. Probably thinking we were going to get in a fight and whether or not he should move before things got ugly. Smart.

 

“W-welcome back...” she said with an odd stutter, something I had not heard her do for years. “Excuse me, I..l-left something in the restroom,” she managed to say before darting out of homeroom, ignoring Ishimaru's yelling about her lack of taking a hall pass.

 

I turned back around to find everyone else turn away just as fast, apparently having been watching the two of us. I groaned and found my assigned seat, sinking down into it. “What's her fuckin' problem? I was just trying to be nice.”

 

“To be fair, Touko might not be expecting you to be so civil towards her, considering...past incidents,” Celes said.

 

“Indeed. Just keep your distance for now, she'll come around on her own if she intends to do so at all,” Kyoko agreed, looking at the door thoughtfully.

 

I sulked. Nobody even acknowledged how courteous I was! No good deed goes unpunished. Still, if the only one giving me any grief was Touko then I should consider myself lucky. She wasn't the only one that I had abused over the years, that was for sure. I'd worry about her later, as our homeroom teacher had decided to finally make his entrance.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Junko seeks advice from two of her friends and runs into another that she doesn't remember meeting in the first place.

As soon as we had some free time, lunch time to be exact, I immediately sought Kyouko out. Touko was out of my mind and I was back to contemplating my massive crush on my sister. I loved the sound of it. It sounded so hopeless, so desperate. So utterly-despair inducing. I had to share it.

 

I went straight to the dining hall to find her. She and Celes were sitting together as usual at one of the long metal tables. Mukuro and I always sat across from them together, but I couldn't see her when I entered.

 

“Have you two seen my darling twin around, perchance?” I asked after walking over to the table.

 

“I saw the soldier training class out on the obstacle course, so she may be running late from that,” Kyoko replied, not looking up from her meal.

 

“Excellent!” I said maybe a little too loudly and pulled out my usual chair, which made a screeching sound across the floor that was definitely too loud, and sat down. Celes flinched slightly and shook her head at the sudden disturbance.

 

“What in the world's got you so excited?” Kirigiri still wasn't giving me the pleasure of seeing her violet eyes.

 

“Just some recent developments, dear Kyouko. Just when I thought I didn't have enough despair in my life, I came upon a startling revelation about myself this morning.” I had to hug myself to keep from shivering with excitement. “Something I can't let the rest of our classmates know just yet.”

 

“My, my, that certainly sounds interesting,” Celes was smiling, always up for a good secret. Kyouko didn't say anything, but I knew she was the same way. Detectives are nosy beasts, and she was no exception.

 

I leaned closer in my seat towards then and whispered. “I, Junko Enoshima, am hopelessly, _revoltingly,_ unashamedly in love,” a cackle escaped my lips at this admittance, both hands grasping at my cheeks.

 

“Really? Well, that's unexpected,” Celes said.

 

“I know, right? That creepy, weird girl has a crush on someone, who would have thought? Auugh, it's gonna eat me up!” I put my elbows on the table and started jiggling one leg excitedly. There it was, out in the open. I actually didn't feel any stress, more like reveling at my capacity to not give a fuck.

 

“So, who is the lucky creature who has captured your affections?”

 

I bit my lip, contemplating how I was going to deliver this next part. “Hmmm, well...it's actually quite...despairing, you see. Society would frown upon me _terribly_ -”

 

“It's Mukuro, isn't it?” Kyouko interjected, finally looking up at me.

 

“Mukuro?” Celestia seemed shocked at least, her fingers slowly covering her mouth. “As in, your sister Mukuro?”

 

I frowned and sighed. Celes was apparently the only one I had on the edge of her seat, Kyouko looking at me intently for confirmation. Fuckin' wiseass. “Yeah, yeah, it's Mukuro. How the hell did you figure it out?”

 

Kyouko sat back in her seat, smiling. “I've known for a while.”

 

I slammed my hands down on the table. “Shut the fuck up, you did not!” I had momentarily forgotten that I was planning on keeping this matter a private one. Thankfully it was already loud in the cafeteria, so I only turned a few heads.

 

Kyouko crossed her arms. “You've been making eyes at her since this morning, how was I expected to deduce any less?”

 

Damn it, so I had been looking at Mukuro probably a little longer than I should have in Algebra. Could you blame me though? I had been locked away from that disgustingly attractive freckled face for way too long. I could always look at mine in the mirror and squint slightly, imagine a bunch of dots on my face and her trademark blank expression, but it was never the same.

 

“Soooo what do you two think about my little secret?” I asked them, crossing one leg over the other and leaning back in my chair.

 

Kyouko shrugged. “I mean, it's not like any of us didn't know you were strange to begin with. Though I didn't expect you to go for something this extreme.”

 

I gasped theatrically. “You act like I chose to be in this sort of despair! Which, obviously, I would have, but...it was totally unplanned this time!” I could tell that she was still unconvinced, and probably rightfully so. I had done a lot of things in my life for the sake of feeling pain or discomfort, physical and emotional alike. I'd stabbed myself with metal jacks, lain outside in the freezing snow, got my hopes up for things that never happened, all for the high of despair. But that stuff was just for fun, you know? What I was feeling now was real. It was a kind of despair, which was cool, but it was also terrifying because I didn't bring it on myself.

 

Or did I?

 

“She has a point, Kyouko. After all, one cannot choose who they fall in love with,” Celes said, sipping her tea calmly.

 

“Fair enough. No one would choose to fall in love with a blood relative, surely.” Kyouko reconsidered. “It just seemed like a very Junko thing to do.”

 

I couldn't keep a laugh from escaping. “Puh-lease! I don't have a history of incest, Kyouko.”

 

“No, but you do have a history of erratic behavior. I just don't want you to do something stupid.”

 

“Hmph. So you don't think I should tell her, huh? You're probably right. I deserve to suffer with this terrible, appalling, reprehensible-”

 

“Cut it out,” she rudely interrupted. “I could care less if you tell Mukuro or not. What I do care about are her feelings. You can treat your own emotions like toys, but you can't do that to other people.”

 

I partly agreed with this statement, because playing with someone's mind is a huge source of entertainment, but I would never do it to my friends. Despite the temptation. And especially not to my sweet little sis. She had put up with enough of my bullshit over the years that I could spare her a fake love confession.

 

“Indeed,” Celes nodded. “Isn't it a little scandalous, though? Do Mukuro's values align with yours? You could be setting yourself up for failure here. Heartbreak, even.” Ever the analyst, it looked like she was mentally calculating the odds of a victory for me in her head.

 

“She'd probably like that,” Kyouko mused with a chuckle. “Unrequited love? That sounds like quite the disparaging situation to me.”

 

I groaned. “You guys don't understand, that's like...the problem. I don't want it! I don't want the despair of having Mukuro turn me down.” I didn't mind spilling my guts to these two, they were my best friends outside of my sister, after all.

 

Celes gasped softly. “But you love despair! Surely you're mistaken.”

 

“Celes, don't encourage her. Perhaps she's on the edge of a breakthrough and quitting the despair nonsense once and for all. Go on, Junko,” Kyouko gestured at me.

 

I shook my head. “It's like...fuck, I dunno! It's only fun when I put myself through it, I guess. Like, the idea of Mukuro not...she could make me feel the worst despair imaginable. Which should make me excited, right? Except it doesn't. Because she could hate me, she could call me disgusting and never wanna see me again. It would be like...even _worse_ than despair! And not in a good way.” Saying all that out loud made me sound like a fool, I was sure. Love's disgusting like that.

 

“I see,” Kyouko said. How could she see anything was beyond me, even _I_ wasn't sure that I had made sense just then. She closed her eyes in thought, “So you actually do care about how Mukuro feels about all this, even more so than your insatiable lust for despair.”

 

“Surprisingly selfless coming from you, Junko,” Celes commented.

 

“Indeed, since Junko is incredibly selfish, vain, tyrannical, and self destructive to a dangerous degree,” Kyouko concurred.

 

“You forgot psycho-”

 

“Okay, okay, I get it!” I cut in, feeling kind of attacked at that moment. Sure, they were probably right, but hey, I wasn't the only one in this body, remember. Not that they knew that. “Jesus, you guys are the best fuckin' friends I could ask for.”

 

Celes looked honestly shocked. “Oh, you know we love you, Junko, but we're just stating the facts here.”

 

“Yes. The point I was trying to make was that despite all your narcissistic qualities, Mukuro's the one you're concerned about for once, not yourself. Not that you never cared about her in the first place, I understand, but it was always yourself first, am I wrong?”

 

She wasn't, as usual. Hey, when you looked as pretty as me, was it really so wrong to be vain? Plus, I had been left on my own for three years, thinking only of myself and how I could survive against my abusive mother. Self preservation was a necessity. “No,” I sighed with annoyance.

 

Kyouko nodded, smiling. “So from that I can only deduce that your feelings are genuine. Congratulations, Junko Enoshima, you're a decent human being.”

 

I tossed one of my long ponytails over my shoulder. “I try, I try.”

 

“How touching,” Celes cooed, leaning forward. “So are you going to tell her?”

 

“Well, that's why I came to you guys. Good idea, bad idea?”

 

“What's the idea?” I nearly jumped as Mukuro appeared, taking a chair beside me. She was smiling, but regarding me suspiciously.

 

I smiled sweetly, trying to play it cool. “Nothin', don't worry about it,” I wasn't looking her in the eyes, instead focusing on her hair, which was still damp from the shower she had taken after being out on the field. I pictured her in her class, running, wiping the sweat from her brow, throwing knives at fake targets...throwing her other classmates over her shoulder in offensive maneuvers...fuck, just being hot in general. God _damn_ it, there she went distracting me again.

 

“Are you sure? You look kind of...dazed.” That's one way to put it, dear sister.

 

“She is,” Kyouko said, “she was just asking if it would be a good idea to go to the nurse's office.” Gods bless that girl.

 

“Y-yeah, I'm just a little weak, Muku-chaaan,” I whined, draping my arms over her shoulders.

 

She looked at me a little worriedly. “Really? Well, I see you're not having lunch, maybe that's the problem.”

 

“I already ate it,” I lied.

 

“No you didn't,” she said in a tone that I knew better to argue with, because she knew she was right. “Go get something, please?”

 

I didn't especially feel like eating, my stomach wired and jumping from excited nerves. I didn't want Mukuro to worry about me though, so I stood up with a sigh. “Yes, ma'am.”

 

Celes giggled, “My my, so, how do you say, 'whipped' already, isn't she?” which made even the stoic Kyouko crack a smile. That little bitch was lucky I was tired of institutionalization at that moment or I might have grievously injured her.

 

I was able to eat, but it only made me even more restless. I couldn't stop shaking my leg throughout classes, and either spaced out during the lessons or took so many notes that my pencil broke because I was pushing it to the paper too hard. The second time that happened Mukuro was in the line of fire, but thankfully the pointy part didn't pierce her anywhere. She actually got up, took me by the arm and asked the professor if we could step outside. I felt like a child being punished and almost didn't let her, but Mukuro can cause just as big of a scene as I can when she doesn't get her way. She learned from the best, I suppose.

 

She only looked at me once we were out of the classroom. I sighed, “Look, I'm sorry for causing a 'disruption' or whatever, I'm just-”

 

I was cut off as she threw her arms around my shoulders in a hug, my second one from her that day. I instantly felt a little calmer. She was gonna turn me into the biggest fucking sap.

 

“I didn't bring you out here to yell at you, asshole,” she said softly into the crook of my neck, giving me a little shiver, “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

 

I meekly held her back. “Jesus, I'm fine, sis. You worry too much,” I said it with a cocky voice but internally I was feeling a lot of relief, like Mukuro and I hadn't grown so far apart after all. I had been so distant the past couple of months that I thought she would abandon me.

 

I almost whined when she pulled away, smiling at me. I love that stupid smile, she's got to know it's contagious. “Well, someone must, after all,” she crossed her arms, “especially since you don't seem all that interested in taking care of yourself.”

 

“I'm better now, remember? My therapist says I'm very high functioning for someone with a case like mine,” I said with pride, as much pride as a dissociation prone mentally ill teenager could have, anyway. Which was a lot for me. I'm fuckin' awesome.

 

“Well, you didn't look so great in there. What's up?”

 

Aw, y'know, the usual. Crush on your sister, happens to the best of us. “I guess lunch just isn't settling well,” I said, which wasn't a lie really. It had given me way too much energy.

 

Mukuro looked concerned. “Eating still didn't help? Maybe you should go to the nurse after all,” she stepped forward again and put a hand on my forehead. “You do feel a bit warm.”

 

I'm not the blushing type, but for some reason the tenderness of Mukuro's touch stirred something deep in my cold, black little heart. I sighed and shrugged. “I guess it couldn't hurt, huh? God, Ms. Itsumi is a demon, though.” Our school nurse wasn't too fond of me, having dealt with my outbursts way too often. Ah, the number of times I had dirtied her floor with my blood or thrown something at her when I (or someone else in my head) was having a fit.

 

“I know you don't like the infirmary, but hey, maybe she'll let you nap in the back room. That would be fun, right?”

 

“Mmm, taking a nap at school is always so much more fulfilling. Especially when I'm supposed to be taking History notes.”

 

She punched me lightly in the arm. “I'll take your notes for you, just go take it easy, alright?” Her knuckles lingered on my skin for a second or two as she looked at me seriously.

 

“Yeah, yeah,” I said, and turned around to walk towards the stairs. She watched me until I was on my way upwards, clearly thinking I would wander off my intended destination. The thought did cross my mind, wanting to blow off classes in the comfort of my own room but Ishimaru was on duty around the dorms and he is ever vigilant about that shit. So I took my time walking to the infirmary, prepping myself for the inevitable encounter with Ms. Itsumi.

 

I opened the door as quickly as I could, because grand entrances are always my style. Unfortunately there was no one sitting at the desk to appreciate it. Weird, since our resident nurse practically lived here. I skipped over to her desk and grabbed a handful of peppermints from an overflowing bowl that she kept on her desk, stuffing all but one into my shirt pocket. I opened it and popped it in my mouth, leaving the wrapper to fall to the floor.

 

“Junko?”

 

“Fuck!” the word slipped out, as I was genuinely startled by whoever had uttered it. I nearly choked on the mint that I was still chomping down, but managed to swallow it before turning to face the other person in the room. I whipped around and spooked someone so badly that they shrieked as well, falling to the floor. A girl with very straight, choppy purple hair and a nurse's uniform was rubbing her head on the ground in front of me. She looked strikingly familiar, but her name was escaping me. She looked a little pathetic, definitely not the type of person I would hang out with. So why did I feel like I knew her? “You scared the hell out of me there,” I said.

 

She scrambled to her feet, smiling at me as she did. “Sorry! I was just happy to see you. I heard you went to the hospital over summer break.”

 

Happy to see me? When else had she seen me? Obviously, who hadn't heard of Junko Enoshima, but this girl was way too friendly for knowing only my name and my reputation. “Yeah, you and the rest of the school,” I said with a laugh.

 

“Are you alright, now? I've heard awful things about psychiatric hospitals, so...I was a little worried when I heard you had been to one,” she stepped closer to me and I backed away instinctively.

 

“Uhhh, yeah, it wasn't so bad. They're much better than they were in the 20's, y'know?”

 

She sighed with relief. “Thank goodness. So, why did you come to the infirmary, then?”

 

“Just felt a little dizzy, I guess,” then after a thought, “why are _you_ here?”

 

“Ah, Ms. Itsumi's letting me run the infirmary every other to prep me for being an actual nurse.” She flushed a little, obviously proud of herself. “It's a little nerve-wracking, but I don't mind! She even gave me a nametag, see?” she raised one of the straps on her apron that had been covering her tag, which read 'Mikan Tsumiki'. Okay, there was the name, now who the fuck...

 

Oh. Oh, never mind. I had never interacted with this girl, but someone else on the inside had. I felt an internal click, like someone besides me remembered her. One of the many “perks” of having an identity disorder. I was desperately trying to call forth a memory, some clue as to whom she had actually communicated with, but nobody was talking on my end. Fuckin' assholes.

 

I decided to be nice for her sake. She wasn't the first person that I had befriended and then totally forgotten thanks to dissociation, so I couldn't really hold it agaisnt her. “That's awesome, girl! And for the record, your face is much nicer to see around here than Ms. Itsumi's.” She was pretty cute, after all.

 

She blushed at that, rubbing one of her arms coyly. “Thanks. You seem a lot friendlier, you know? I don't think I've ever seen you smile in front of me before. You always seemed so...hopeless.”

 

So it was one of the less cheery ones. Probably my gloomy mushroom girl, who had fronted a lot for me in the months leading up to my hospitalization. She usually came out when I was too sad to deal with the world, which had been frequent back then. It was a long enough time to make friends with Mikan here, anyway.

 

I shrugged apologetically. “I wasn't quite...myself for a while. Sorry to disappoint ya of my winning smile,” I flashed my toothy grin and gave her a peace sign for good measure.

 

“Well, at least it's back now. It's nice.”

 

I scoffed and tossed my hair back cockily. “You could have picked up one of my magazines if you were wondering what it looked like. My gorgeous mug is all over those.”

 

“It's much nicer in person, though,” she said softly, smiling at the ground. We were both silent for a moment, at a loss for what to say next. I wanted to ask her a million questions, but obviously I couldn't without making it too weird. I was trying to convince everyone that I was at least partially sane, and coming off as having amnesia to this girl wouldn't help matters.

 

I was ripped out of my thoughts and she grabbed my hands and looked at me meaningfully. Her eyes were very intense for some reason. The though of running briefly passed through my head. “I really missed you, Junko.”

 

I was gonna kill whoever had gotten so close to this girl and not bothered to tell me. Hear that, guys? Yeah, one of you is fuckin' in for it. “Uh, it's good to see you too, Mikan.”

 

“I haven't been letting anybody pick on me, just like you said,” her thumbs twitched lightly over my hands, “I've been so much better about sticking up for myself, thanks to you.”

 

What the fuck was happening. “Really? Sweet,” I said, having no clue what else I could offer.

 

She chuckled. “It is sweet, isn't it? You should have seen the guy's face who tried to push me around after I told him how I would tear him apart with my scalpel, piece...by...piece,” she said it slowly, inching further towards me until she had backed me up against a medicine cabinet.

 

“Wow, that is...pretty messed up,” I said, not unimpressed, honestly.

 

She giggled, high and unsettling. “Pretty despairing, isn't it?”

 

Yup, she had definitely talked to one of us, alright. Damn it, who _was_ it? This was seriously pissing me off. “Totally,” I said, playing it cool on the outside.

 

She let one of her hands glide up my bare arm, making me shiver in the already cold room, before stopping to rest gently on my shoulder. “I knew you would think so,” she said softly, leaning up closer to my face. I felt the hand that was still holding onto mine shift, interlacing our fingers. I could have thrown her off, but morbid curiosity made me stay in her grip.

 

“So, like...what are you doing?” I figured I might as well ask.

 

She laughed breathily. “Trying to tell you that I...really like you, Junko.”

 

As if that wasn't apparent. I opened my mouth to say as much, but it was instantly covered and she put her lips over mine, closing the space between us. For once I froze. Despite what she had said about knowing me previously, I personally hadn't interacted with her outside of the last five minutes and already she was stealing first base? Her eyes were closed, clearly savoring this as if she had planned for a while.

 

I felt her tongue graze my teeth and remembered that my mouth had been open when she kissed me. That woke me the fuck up. I pushed her off, more roughly than necessary, and nearly sent her to the floor again. I tried to speak, but the words didn't surface. The floor felt flimsy, like I was about to float away. It was a familiar feeling. I was on the edge of a switch, meaning somebody on the inside was finally tired of staying quiet. Probably Kotomi (that's what I called mushroom girl) wanting to kiss her back like the horny idiot she is.

 

As easy as it would have been to hand over control, it wouldn't be very productive. I slammed my back into the medicine cabinet to bring myself back down to earth, sinking down on the floor to sit beside it. The tile underneath me was cool and soothing and I exhaled, long and shaky.

 

“Junko?” Mikan's concerned voice cut through the haze. She approached me and extended her hand. “I am so sorry, I-I just thought-”

 

“Can you just...not touch me right now, please?” I snapped, rubbing my forehead where I could feel the beginnings of a migraine coming on. She was still whining as I rose to my feet, begging me not to be mad at her.

 

“It was stupid of me to think...that someone like _you_ would actually want to be with someone like me, but-”

 

I sighed loudly, cutting her off. “Look, it's not your fault, alright? You're a nice girl, nicer than me, and...” I struggled to come up with more comforting words, but I was awful at letting people down without being rude. The only people I had ever turned down were assholes who I wasn't afraid to hurt, and a drunken Kyouko on one occasion, but that didn't count. “...honestly it's not you, it's me. Don't take it personally.”

 

She considered this. “There's...someone else, isn't there?”

 

I sighed, thinking of Mukuro, my chest sickeningly tight. Of course there was someone else, but for all I knew, I could be just wasting my time. Mukuro hides it, but she's just as sick as me, a child raised in a forbidding home and later ran away to live in a fucking cult. Still, probably not twisted enough to consider kissing her own sister save for a platonic context. God, this is fucked up. I'm fucked up.

 

“There might be. Actually, yeah, there is.” No getting around it.

 

“Ah. Do I know them?” Mikan asked in a voice I could barely hear. She probably did, since we were rarely seen without the other, but I wasn't about to tell _her_ about my current situation. Oddly enough she was still smiling, which made me think there was something off about her. I have a radar for crazy, being some level of unsound myself, and this girl was pinging it big time. Plus, if she had already been in talks with Kotomi about despair, it wasn't so far out of the realm of possibility.

 

I reached out to touch her shoulder so that she would turn her attention back to me. “It doesn't matter, okay? You should be glad, someone else is gonna have to handle all my fucking issues.” She frowned, opening her mouth like she was going to protest, so I placed a finger over her lips to shut her up. “I know, I know, you don't have to thank me. I'm gonna head back to class, alright? I probably shouldn't get behind on my first day back, anyway.”

 

I uncovered her mouth and started to turn around when she spoke again. “Do you think maybe we could...still be friends?”

 

I didn't want to say yes. Not to the girl who had thrown herself at me and nearly made me dissociate. Then I saw the look on her face, like she was a kitten that I had just kicked across the road, wide eyes and a downcast expression, and I actually felt a little guilty for _her._ God, I really was getting soft.

 

I crossed my arms and sighed. “Yeah, sure, just...cheer up, okay? We're cool.” We weren't really, but I didn't want her to start sobbing on me. Or worse. I had just caught a glimpse of the syringe in her pocket.

 

Her face lit up in a nervous smile. “W-we're cool, yes! Thanks Junko. And I really am sorry, I just-”

 

I held up my hand. “Uh-uh, we're gonna forget about that too. It just makes things weird.”

 

“But-”

 

“Mikan.” I gave her a glance that I usually reserved for the people I wanted to run a stake into. It was only for a second, but that was enough to make her reconsider her statement. Smile back on, quick as a whip. Fast mood transitions were one of the only useful skills I had picked up from modeling. “It's forgotten, alright? I'll catch you later.” I started towards the exit.

 

“Um...”

 

Gods, I was never gonna get away. I turned around on my heel and saw her holding the bowl of mints that I had been raiding. “Would you like any more mints, at least? You seemed to enjoy them.”

 

I eyed the bowl thoughtfully. None of the students knew where Ms. Itsumi got these mints, but they were so delicious that they were in high demand, making them a hot commodity at the Academy. I know it sounds weird, a bunch of geniuses with the world at their feet losing their heads over peppermints, but it was a fact. I could get some serious favors if I had a stash of my own. “You sure you don't mind?”

 

She shook her head. “It's the least I could do! Since you didn't get any rest or medicine...perhaps that was my fault, so...it would only be fair-”

 

I waved a finger at her.“That didn't happen, remember? You're fine, perfectly fine. Especially in that little nurse's outfit,” I said with a wink. I probably shouldn't be flirting with her, but it just came out! She was asking for it in that cute little getup.

 

She blushed furiously and held out the bowl. “Okay, now I _definitely_ have to give you some. You're obviously delirious.”

 

I barked with laughter and grabbed one fist full of candy from the bowl, then thought about it and got a second load. Mikan didn't seem to mind, smiling as I did it. Pockets practically overflowing with my haul, I made my way to the exit. I turned around and gave her a wave as I held open the large metal door. “I'll see you around, then?”

 

She closed her eyes and smiled at me pleasantly. “Of course. I wouldn't dream of disappointing you!”

 

I didn't reply, just smiled and headed outside, closing the door behind me as swiftly as I could and powerwalking to the girl's restroom. I had to make sure that my makeup was still on point after that hideously awkward encounter.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Sorry this was a long time coming, moving into a new place frazzled me quite a bit.


	3. Chapter 3

Exhausted by my entire first week of returning to Hope's Peak, I was sprawled out on my stomach on Kyouko's floor, spending some quality time with the tablet that I had not been allowed to bring to the hospital with me.“You know, I didn't realize how often Mukuro and I touched each other until I got this stupid fucking crush on her.”

 

I couldn't see Kyouko's eyes, but I could _hear_ her rolling them from her tone of voice. “Junko, at least save the lewd discussion for after dark.”

 

I rolled up on my side to look at her, mock offended. “I wasn't even trying to be inappropriate! You need to get your mind out of the gutter, Miss Kirigiri.” I couldn't even see her face, which was buried too deep in some forensics text that she was reading.

 

“If I were you, I'd be more concerned over my own mind,” she quipped.

 

I rolled my eyes and sat up. “Why, because I'm nuts?”

 

“No, because your mind is just as filthy as mine.”

 

“Hah, so you admit it!”

 

“I believe Kyouko means that her mind is suited towards more morbid things, cadavers and bloodshed and what not. Not sexual things,” Celestia said from her vanity. She was currently in the process of removing the cumbersome drills from her head.

 

“Sure, sure. But I was just making an innocent observation...” I trailed off, wanting them to ask me about the details. Kyouko had gone back to reading and Celes was too busy looking at herself in the mirror. I wanted them to indulge me, dammit. I cleared my throat after a moment to get their attention again.

 

Kyouko didn't look up from her book. “What?”

 

I propped my elbows on the foot of her bed and looked at her sweetly. “Don'tcha wanna know what I was gonna say?”

 

“Not particularly.”

 

I snarled for a split second, unintentionally, a reflex I swear. I put on my best cute face and hoisted my body up on the bed with my arms. I stretched out before her and whined “C'mooon, I gotta talk about some of this crush shit before my heart explodes!” My legs dangled over the bed and I kicked them dramatically.

 

Don't be fooled by movies and television. Crushes aren't all about sighing dreamily when they do something as trivial as breathing, little hearts going ba-thump in your eyes when you see them across the hallway, or doodling their name over and over across your history notes. Those things are part of it, fine. But there's another side to it, a hopeless, gut wrenching feeling. Before you know it those butterflies in your stomach on steadily gnawing away at your insides and the stars you're seeing in your eyes actually give you headaches with just how _badly_ you desire that person.

 

I can't believe I was missing out on such despair all this time!

 

Kyouko still seemed nonplussed by my pleas. Deviously I inched closer towards her. “Don't tell me that kinda stuff embarrasses you, Kyoukoooo. Is it too much for your little virgin ears? Don't worry,” I said as I walked two of my fingers over her bare leg, taking a step further up with each syllable. “I'll be sure to keep the subject matter nice...and...gentle.”

 

I had reached her knee and nearly the hem of her skirt before she slammed her book shut. “Knock it off!” She reached out to slap my hand, but I pulled it away too quickly with a shriek of laughter. It was hard to get some genuine irritation out of Kyouko, which made teasing her one of my favorite things to do.

 

“Now will you listen to me?” I asked, bouncing on the bed with anticipation.

 

Kyouko rolled her eyes. “It's not it's going to be anything we haven't heard. You haven't stopped talking about Mukuro since school started. If you ask me, it's time to stop being a coward and tell her how you feel.”

 

Did she just. Call me a. “Hey, who the hell are you calling-”

 

“She does have a point, Junko,” Celes said, sinking down beside Kyouko. “It's getting quite boring, actually, hearing you go on so pathetically. Unless there are any new developments that you would like to update us on?”

 

“Since I like you guys, I'm gonna ignore those insults this time,” I said, crossing my arms with a huff. I stuck out my tongue as I thought about my interactions with Mukuro this past week. Aside from the usual, I mean. We were twins after all, inseparable as we roamed the halls of the Academy, the two vicious queens of Hope's Peak. If no one knew we were related, we could have passed for a couple already, I mused, her tomboy looks and my feminine ones complimenting each other perfectly. She already acted like my damn bodyguard, so picturing her arm wrapped around my waist protectively wasn't a major stretch. I squirmed at the thought. _That_ would make rumors spread. What a couple of sick little girls, they'd say. I'm pretty sure they've said worse about us, though. Not to brag, but we do attract a lot of attention.

 

Like I said to Kyouko, I was becoming aware that I had been taking little interactions between me and my twin for granted all these years. We seem to work in tandem, communicating the others' needs to a freaky, psychic degree. We do little things for each other more often than I realized. If her hair was askew I would instantly reach out and smooth it back, she always managed to mess it up somehow. Before I realized it my hands were grazing her cheeks, lingering a little too long and making her raise her eyebrows at me. “Do I have something on my face?” she had asked me the other day, to which I had replied that I had thought it was a speck of dirt but it was actually her whole face. That sounds mean, but Mukuro likes my teasing. She smiled knowingly, not aware of the fuckin' problem that I needed her face all over mine.

 

She would do little stuff for me too, throwing a jacket over me when she knew I was cold or reminding me to do basic things like sleep and eat. The other night when I had stayed in her room until three in the morning, she either had gotten fed up with me not sleeping or me not letting her get any sleep. I had been in one of my excitable moods, making her watch a serial killer drama with me on her laptop even though we both had an early class the next morning. Yeah, I live on the edge.

 

Anyway, she had gently closed the lid of the computer before hoisting me up by my waist and maneuvering my body with the greatest of ease over her shoulder. I tried to protest vocally, but she was so brutishly strong that it proved futile. She had crossed the hall, entered my room, and deposited me gently on my own bed, and left without a word. I wanted to be mad, to chase after her and insult her, lovingly of course. But the despairing truth was that I had actually... _liked_ being manhandled by my strong, attractive twin. Probably a little too much. I had instantly grabbed my pillow and slammed it against my face upon this revelation.

 

Gods, why does she have to be so nauseatingly sweet? Like the other fuckin' day when we were doing airsoft in P.E. I am a young woman of many talents but operating a gun is not one of them. For some reason, my skills at first person shooter games weren't translating as well into the real world. Talk about embarrassing. As I was struggling to aim properly at a practice, I felt her come up behind me and gently guiding my hands with her own.

 

“You shouldn't be hunched over,” she had said gently. “Move the butt of the gun higher up against your shoulder.”

 

She positioned me just so, her cheek moving close beside mine so she could check my aim. When she hummed with approval I could feel it vibrating in my bones. I was so distracted by this chilling little sensation that I nearly slapped her out of surprise when I felt her hands on my waist.

 

“Your stance is a little weird too...” she said, pondering at my legs which were probably a little too far apart.

 

“Your face is a little weird,” I quipped, almost robotically, a jab to make myself feel more normal rather than to wound Mukuro.

 

“Bring your feet together a little, ground yourself. Like...” I felt her hand gently move across my thigh, just for one instant, as she adjusted my footing. It was enough to make my breath hitch. Just a tad. I could feel the various personalities in my head laughing their asses off at me and my sick little crush, along with the rest of the world. God _damnit,_ hormones!

 

She stepped away and looked me over once more, nodding to herself. “Good. But, um...don't be so nervous. Your face is all red.”

 

I growled at myself. “Yeah, because I'm pissed off! I can handle this myself,” I turned toward the target and fired angrily, not even thinking. The bullet struck the middle of the target perfectly, probably because of Mukuro's instruction. “See? Not a problem,” I said haughtily, causing Mukuro to roll her eyes and go back to her own practicing. None the wiser.

 

I hadn't shown up for dinner one day, more content to stay in my room with my magazines. I was defacing my rivals with my trusty black marker, admiring my work when I heard a worried knocking on my door. It was Mukuro of course, looking shocked that I was all in one piece. She looked so pale and worried. When I asked her why couldn't even look at my face, looking at the ground and saying that she had been worried about me. I wanted to roll my eyes and gag but at the same time I wanted to tackle her with the most crushing hug that I was capable of. What a conflicting set of emotions.

 

Instead of either of those, I called her a silly girl and invited her in, since she had gone through the trouble of sneaking me food. I had been getting hungry anyway. She probably sensed that too, our cosmic twin bond at work again. That thing worked surprisingly well, like when I almost cut myself getting too wild with the x-acto knife in Art class. She somehow slapped it right outta my hand, which was freaky but she looked badass doing it. Or when I could tell that Mukuro was having trouble reading a particular kanji in a book yesterday, so I hovered over her and read it back in a sing song voice. My sister is very smart when it comes to combat, but her vocabulary could use a little work. We even each other out.

 

“Well, we've lost her,” Kyouko said, rolling her eyes while Celes giggled at my expense. Why did I hang out with these losers?

 

I sighed. “I _suppose_ nothing big has happened. Sure, I'm still in unrequited love despair hell, but you know. That's the usual.”

 

“That could all change if you just let her know,” Celes said with a wink.

 

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, it could also blow up in my fuckin' face.”

 

“Like that's ever stopped you from doing idiotic things before.”

 

I turned to Kyouko and gave her the most messed up smile I could muster. “You know what, on second thought, I'm not gonna let that coward comment slide,” I raised one hand, my fingernails glinting in the light as I readied to pounce. Sadly, Celes grabbed my wrist and lowered it before I could have the pleasure of scratching Kyouko's eyes out.

 

“I have a better idea. Instead of causing a loud scene in here, attracting the attention of our resident hall monitor and getting yourself written up, you could find a proper, mature way to respond to Kyouko's insinuation.”

 

“Mature my ass, she's the one who insulted me for no reason!”

 

Kyouko crossed her arms with a smug smile that I wanted to slap right offa her face. “Oh, I can assure you that my reasoning is quite sound. I'm sure Celes agrees.” Celes's eyes opened a little wider in surprise and I turned my wrath onto her.

 

“You wanna go too, ya little goth bitch?” I said, a little too angrily. One of my...alters? (headmates?...the terminology the doctors used was so new to me that it flew right over my head. Why do they make things sound so complicated anyway?) was beginning to feel drawn out at that moment. She was one fond of cursing and fighting, and she often surfaced whenever my mom wanted to start shit with me.

 

Celes coughed nervously. “Now, now, I am merely an innocent observer in this matter. Besides, aren't we old enough to solve our differences without violence?” she said, looking from me to Kyouko. I had never actually seen Kyouko fight, only heard rumors. Last year she had apparently overheard some seniors misgendering Makoto and, after they had disregarded her polite attempts to correct them, given all three boys a taste of her gloved fists. She never got written up for it, because these boys, oafs that were at least twice her weight, had never told on her. They suspiciously were a lot more respectful to Makoto afterward, though, one of them giving him kind glances from the one eye that wasn't swelled shut.

 

I sighed, twirling a lock of hair around my finger. “That's dreadfully boring, though. C'mon, Kyouko, how about it? Wanna up the stakes a little, make it a knife fight? I've got a new one I'm just _dying_ to-”

 

“Now you're bringing weapons into it? Honestly, Junko, we're juniors now. You can't be so reckless with your life.” Celes chided me, then looked over at Kyouko. She had a hand to her chin, seriously considering my offer, and Celes scoffed in exasperation.

 

“Let's not,” Kyouko finally said. “I don't want to get blood on the carpet.”

 

I rolled my eyes. “Well, we could always move it outside, princess.”

 

Kyouko smirked. “Besides, you're obviously not afraid to fight me, so it would seem that my comment was incorrect, no?”

 

Surprising. Kyouko is just like me when it comes to being wrong, we _hate_ to admit it. I raised an eyebrow at her suspiciously. “Yeah, so why the fuck are you so smug about it?”

 

“Because I'm teaching you a lesson,” she replied matter-of-factly. “You're Junko Enoshima.”

 

I tossed my head back. “The one and only. But what's that got to do with-”

 

“And Junko Enoshima is an overwhelmingly confident person, at times annoyingly so. You've taken on gross fans, abusive parents, you actually think that you could take me on in a knife fight-”

 

“Ex _cuse me-_ ”

 

She waved my indignation away as she cut me off again. “I called you a coward simply because I think you're underestimating yourself. If you could do all those things, then surely something as simple as admitting your feelings for a person with whom you already have an incredibly strong bond would be small fry in your eyes.”

 

I considered this. “You sure you're not just sayin' that because you _know_ I'd win against you in a fight?”

 

“Yes. Because I know that I could defeat you easily.” She was resolute, eyeing me like a damn cat.

 

“You don't know shit, you little prissy-”

 

Celes rolled her eyes at the both of us critically. “Oh, would you both let it go already? I could swear I was listening to a couple of elementary students in the sandbox right now.”

 

Kyouko coughed, maybe out of embarrassment, though she would never admit that. “She's probably right. The point of that was, essentially, that I am cheering you on. So stop whining at us about problems that you can fix on your own.”

 

Kirigiri's support is something not easily won, so I felt a little surge of pride at her words. And here I thought she didn't care about my love life adventures! Or maybe I had just annoyed her into caring. Whatever. When it comes to attention, I don't discriminate.

 

I sighed heavily and flopped back down her bed. “But it's haaaard, Kyouko.”

 

“Anything worthwhile always is,” she mused. “Perhaps you need to devise a strategy.”

 

“I'm not playing chess, I just wanna ask my fuckin' sister out on a date!” Why did I have to be so weird? Nobody else had these problems.

 

“I would offer some advice, but I have no experience in this matter, sadly,” Celes offered, sounding anything but saddened. “You'd have to ask the dozen of suitors that I have turned down.”

 

I rolled my eyes skeptically. More like the suitors who had run away screaming. “Sure, okay. What about Miss Kirigiri? Didn't you and Makoto have a weird thing going on for a while?” Those two had always been so close that half the school thought they were dating, myself included.

 

“Makoto and I and just very good friends,” Kyouko said, shrugging. This sort of discussion bored her and I could already see her hands roaming about, trying to find out where she had placed the book she had been reading.

 

I threw my hands up. “Great, I'm seeking advice from the two most inexperienced people on this subject.”

 

Celes shrugged. “It's not my fault that no one in this silly academy meets my standards. A refined girl like me should not have to settle for less.”

 

“Well, there's always Togami,” I said with a wink, giggling as she narrowed her eyes at the mere suggestion. “He's got the rich thing going. And the asshole thing. Isn't that right up your alley?”

 

“He also has the face of a parched lemon. I'm offended that you would even allude to the potential of our impossible relationship.”

 

“A lemon, shit!” I howled. “That's good. Holy fuck, he does have the face.”

 

“Indeed. A face that isn't worthy to touch mine,” Celes said primly, seating herself beside Kyouko, who was reading again and missing out on our Togami-bashing.

 

“You've never even let _anyone_ touch that face. C'mere, let me give it a pinch,” I said, reaching over and trying to grab her. If only she still had those damn drill extensions on her head I could have dragged her over by one of those. She shrieked and tried to hide herself behind Kyouko.

 

“No! You'll rip something off!”

 

“Okay, listen: that was only one time, I was provoked, and Hagakure later told me that he could excuse me ripping some flesh off of his person as long as I didn't use it for the occult.”

 

Celes didn't look convinced. “Kyouko, please protect me from that savage creature.”

 

Kyouko gave me a warning look. “You heard her, paws off.”

 

“Well, fuckin' excuse me, I was just trying to be affectionate,” I sulked, which was half true. It's Celes's fault; she yowls like a cat when she's angry, and I find it so hilarious that I can't stop bothering her once I'm on a roll. Kyouko looked satisfied and looked down at her book again.

 

“You have an odd way of showing it,” Celes sniffed. “Though I suppose you have an odd way of everything.”

 

I crossed my arms. “At least you've got your girlfriend here to protect you, huh?”

 

Kyouko flinched, absentmindedly reaching for her phone in her jacket pocket while Celes narrowed her eyes at me. “How dare you make such an insinuation-”

 

I giggled gleefully, having expected my taunt to go nowhere. “I ain't insuiating nothin', I think I've unearthed a fact.”

 

“No, you haven't, you delusional twit.” Celes wasn't budging on this.

 

“'Oh save me from that big bad wolf of a girl Junko, Kirigiri-san!'” I said in my best Celestia impression, which was the highest falsetto I could muster, complete with swooning. Try it at home!

 

“Your sister's the wolf, and you're the odious little sheep that she has to keep in line,” Kyouko said, still looking at her phone, a sure sign that she was embarrassed by my implication that she and Celes were a thing. I was happy about that, but her comparing me to livestock irked me.

 

“Are you _really_ trying to-”

 

“Speaking of whom, don't you have something you need to be running off and telling her? Instead of pestering us about _our_ relationship?”

 

“Our strictly platonic relationship, by the way. Right, Kyouko? Hello?”

 

Kyouko managed to bring her eyes up to meet Celes's for a second before they darted back to her phone, currently distracting herself with an app. “Of course. What other...kind of relationship would it be?”

 

Celes's eyes widened ever so slightly and she looked away. “Indeed...may I ask what game you're playing?”

 

I realized that it was now nine o'clock in the evening; my brief visit to hang out with my two emotionally incompetent friends and distract myself from homework had turned into three hours. I rolled off the bed and onto my feet. “Yeah, I guess now that I've made things sufficiently awkward, I can take my leave,” I said, skipping to the door.

 

Celes huffed. “There was nothing to make awkward in the first place!”

 

“Goodniiiight, see you guys tomorrow!” I blew them a kiss before I exited, or more accurately to Celes, and Kirigiri was still utterly embarrassed. I sighed fondly at my handiwork. Now if only I were this good at making wonders happen in my own romantic life. I started walking down the corridor to Mukuro's room.

 

Despite my considerable influence and charm, I could never get the headmaster to sway his stupid one-student-to-a-dorm rule, so Mukuro and I had separate rooms. It wasn't terrible, as she was located directly across from my room. I could walk right into her room whenever I pleased, and I always had in our earlier years. One of us was always in the others' room, being so used to sleeping in the same space at our relatives' house that we were naturally bored and lonely without the others presence.

 

Lately I had been exercising this new thing called “restraint”, in which I gave Mukuro a little space from me. I could tell that she was still wary around me and my precarious mood swings and personality switches. Afraid of me snapping and doing myself in for real this time. I won't lie, the idea of doing just that and the overwhelming despair that it would have caused was highly tempting to me in the past. Even now I still felt the pull, my heart beating a little faster in excitement. But now things felt different. Don't get me wrong, I still  _ live _ for unfortunate events, sweet despair, that lurching feeling at the pit of my stomach so bad that it makes my heart skip beats before I pass out from the rush of it all. 

 

However, the thought of offing myself seemed very far away now. So what changed it? Pills, therapy? Or even worse... _ friendship _ ? Very likely, disgustingly enough. But thinking about it was making me reflect on myself deeper and making my head hurt. I usually left that stuff up to the Professor, one of the other girls in my head. She wore glasses and sounded like a snobby teacher. No doubt that she would ramble about this shit for hours, but thankfully I wasn't her. Right now I was Junko, happily on my way to see my sister. Hey, maybe I'd even let her in on this little crush of mine, see if she had any advice for me. Maybe I needed a practical, soldier's approach. One that hopefully didn't involve her screaming at me and/or throwing me out of the room.

 

Her door was unlocked, which I would have found odd, but I heard music coming from inside and understood. When Mukuro puts music on, it's usually a little too loud and she tends to get lost in it. I let myself in and immediately ran to her bed to jump on it. She had been sitting at her desk, back towards the door, singing to herself softly as she worked on some assignment I should probably also have been doing. Her head snapped up without missing a beat, then she spotted me on the bed and rolled her eyes. She turned down her music slightly. “I was wondering if I was going to see any of you today.”

 

“Sorry babe, it's gonna take more than conflicting class schedules to get me out of your hair,” I sighed, looking away. “My own sister wants to get rid of me again.”

 

Her nose wrinkled in confusion, concern clouding her gaze. “I didn't say-”

 

I laughed, getting up from the bed and strolling over to her desk. “I'm just messin' with ya, sis!” Getting up in her face I said “Why so serious?” in a gravelly voice.

 

She pushed me away lightly. “You know how I feel about your weird voices.”

 

“I can make a cuter one if you want,” I offered. Different voices are my specialty, given all my personas. I held up my hands under my chin like a begging cat, widening my eyes for effect, and repeated myself in a high, soft voice. “Hey, hey, sis! Why soooo serious?”

 

I had expected to irritate her, but instead she just started laughing. “Oh gods, please don't-”

 

“Nyaaaa, why so serious sis?!”

 

My normally stoic sister was finding this incredibly hilarious. She doesn't laugh very often, which is a shame. Her giggles sound like mine, only people don't run when they hear it. “Stop, that's so...so...creepy!” she managed to wheeze out between gasps.

 

“Oy, that's enough. Somebody's gonna think we have a wild animal in here. Oh wait, that's you,” I said, snapping back to my serious face.

 

She took a deep breath, still smiling despite my jab. “You're evil.”

 

“Heeey, you still love me though,” I said with a pout. I was oscillating my emotions, going from mean to cute in a split second. I wanted to ask Mukuro out, but the situation was wreaking havoc in my head. I wanted to switch out so badly, leave it up to somebody else, but it wouldn't be the same. _We_ were the sisters here, dammit.

 

She picked up her abandoned pencil, looking away from me and back to her homework. “Well you are Junko Enoshima, after all. Everyone loves you.”

 

They like the idea of me, I couldn't help but think bitterly. I mean, sure, select classmates might love me but if some of my fans knew how I really acted, they'd probably think twice about buying my magazines or idolizing me. Good thing I knew I was awesome, or this thought might bother me. Right now, it only particularly mattered if one person didn't love me.

 

“Hmph, and what if I wasn't the famous Junko Enoshima? Would you still love me then?” I could move on if the answer was no, of course. After all, I can never turn down a good dose of despair.

 

“Did you come in here just to fish for compliments? You get love letters every day from your fans!” Mukuro said with a chuckle.

 

“Come oooon, I'm asking you though!” I wheedled, stomping my boot heel firmly against the carpet. “Now, say I were a no-talent, garbage bag toting bum on the street who kept rats from the sewers and smelled atrocious. Would you regard me with the same affection then? Oh, and I have STD's.”

 

Either she hadn't appreciated the creativeness of my hypothetical situation or she wasn't going to comment on it. “I...yes? You're acting very strange. Stranger than you usually do, even.”

 

“Gee, thanks. What a doting older sister you are,” I remarked with a high, nervous laugh. Get any more suspicious, Junko.

 

“Is something bothering you?” she said, staring me down.

 

I tried to play it off as cool as I could, leaning against her desk. “The _world_ bothers me, Mukuro. Have you been outside lately? The world is full of creepy assholes, it's a wonder nobody's more bothered around here!”

 

She sighed. “Look, if you don't want to tell me...whatever, but least cut the cryptic shit out.”

 

I paused. Mukuro's snappiness was new to me, because I hadn't expected her to grow a new backbone during my hospital stay. She still liked me around, indulged all my crazy attitudes and ideas, but also let me know that I couldn't push her around anymore. I can be very manipulative, so I didn't blame her, but it made it harder to predict her reactions.

 

I pushed some of her books out of a corner and lifted myself up to sit on her desk. “It's not that I don't _want_ to tell you, but, like...” I started, knowing that there was no way to end that sentence gracefully. It seemed to make Mukuro feel better though, since she allowed me a little smile.

 

“I won't pry if you don't want me to, but since we tell each other everything...or, almost everything, I thought it might help if you had someone to listen.”

 

Ugh, she look so put out at the _almost everything._ Yet she was still being so fucking patient with me. If our places were switched I wouldn't be leaving Mukuro alone until I found out the truth. I'd be shaking her around, bribing her, anything to dig up her secrets. I'm such an asshole. I have to tell her. “I, uh...okay, look-”

 

Her eyes locked in on my again and I lost my train of thought completely. This was uncomfortable, a bad idea, an idiotic idea. For me even, the queen of reckless ideas! Something else was at work too, my other aspects. Everything felt like war inside my head, over something so simple. I wanted to talk about something else. No, I wanna tell her! Ugh, fuck you, let's do something else. No, _goddamn it_

 

“Are you still here?” Mukuro asked tentatively. My arms had gone slack and I probably had a staring, zombie expression on my face. I shook myself back to reality, which was hard. I wanted to be someone else, but I couldn't. Not when I was just starting to get Mukuro to like me again. And I needed her to like me a _lot_ for what I was about to say.

 

“I'm...here, yeah. The, uh...your music just distracted me,” I said, completely changing the topic. Buh-rilliant.

 

She looked confused. You and me both, sister. “Huh?”

 

“Your music, it's nice. What language are they singing, though?” I had been listening to it slightly, an electronic sound with a throaty and feminine voice that I found quite pleasing.

 

“It's Russian. I used to listen to her when I was in Fenrir a lot, since they had us learn it for liaison reasons.”

 

“So, wait, you can speak Russian?” I asked, in disbelief.

 

She seemed to think about it. “Well, I never got much practice, since they mostly relegated me to fighting because of my skill. But I know a good deal, enough to live there for a time if the organization required me to do so.” A new song came on and she smiled at her little stereo. “This is my favorite song.”

 

Ew, she was so cute when she got excited about stuff. “Yeah? What's it about?”

 

“She's singing about how she wants to get away. Just jump on a plane, go to London...just to be free and not be stuck in her current position. I related to it a lot back then.”

 

“And here I thought you were having the time of your life with all those bloodthirsty weirdos,” I said, recalling the horror stories of characters with ill intentions that Mukuro had encountered in Fenrir. Not that any of them were a match for her. My sister is exceptionally good at kicking ass.

 

“Some of it was fun, but it was all far from glamorous,” she said, standing up from her chair. “And even though I was scared to come home, there was something I was missing a lot.”

 

The image of our screaming mother came to mind and I laughed out loud. “What could you possibly have-”

 

Suddenly her face was within inches of mine, nearly making me lash out at her out of reflex. “You really have to ask that, _krasavitsa_?”

 

I didn't know what the hell she had called me, but it could have meant flaming shit and I would have wanted to throw myself at her anyway. _Gods,_ it made her voice like. Five times hotter. At least. She was staring at me still, her eyes a mirror of my own. I might have been deluding myself, but it seemed like they got darker. I know it felt like mine were. Fucking hell, I hope she didn't comment on that, this was too good a moment for me to make it weird!

 

“Of...course I knew that! Duh, it was me, right?” Cockiness hides everything, thankfully.

 

She laughed, nice and low. _FUCK,_ does she know how attractive she is? “Yes, it was you, my modest nee-chan.”

 

I crossed my arms and quirked an eyebrow. “Please. Modesty is for small fry. Not suited to someone as talented as myself.”

 

She rolled her eyes, no doubt about to deliver some charming rebuke when the music picked up again for a second verse. Her eyes lit up and she grabbed my arm. “D ávaj, tantsevat' so mnoy!” 

 

I exhaled in surprise as she pulled me off of the desk and into her arms in a swift motion. She guided me to the center of the room where she started to sway to the techno in a random, haphazard way, encouraging me to join her. I laughed at how fucking ridiculous she looked, since Mukuro can't dance for shit. The song was really good though, so I indulged her. Like my sister, I also cannot dance for shit. But I know how to make it look sexy, so it makes it look like I know what I'm doing. I tried to control my provocative ways for her sake. Even thought she certainly wasn't controlling herself for _my_ sake, singing along with an atrociously hot accent.

 

As the song went into the chorus and horns accompanied the bass, Mukuro surprised me again by lifting me off my feet by my waist, twirling me around. She hadn't done that since we were small, dancing to one of our parent's old CDs at a volume low enough that we wouldn't be caught but loud enough so that we could pick up on the rhythm. It made me scream in delight, which encouraged her to twirl me around a second time. She brought me down in an exaggerated dip and winked at me as she did so. That was just...unfair. I felt my cheeks get a little red, even though I knew she was kidding. Damn, she must have picked up some heartbreaker tips from me.

 

The song ended and we stayed like that for a couple moments, our breathing the only sound between the changing tracks. I couldn't laugh with our faces being so close as well a rather thrilling scenario racing through my head. One that involved me pulling her down into a not so tender embrace, kissing and biting her like an animal. Her face, flushed from dancing and laughing, inches away from my own was causing every ounce of restraint in me to disappear.

 

Before I could do anything stupid, she pulled me back up. “Nice song, right?” she asked, her hand still lingering on my shoulder despite letting me out of her arms. Tormenting me.

 

I shrugged. “I guess. FYI, you still dance like newborn calf.”

 

She rolled her eyes. “It made you laugh, didn't it? That's what I was going for.”

 

I could feel my face getting a little hot and instantly shook my head. I was _not_ going to look like a lovestruck idiot in front of her. I made it look like I was tossing my hair back instead. “Shut up. Why were you trying to do a thing like that?”

 

Her face got serious.“Because you're acting weird again. There's something you're not telling me and-”

 

“Fuck, I _said_ I was fine, okay?”

 

My temper seemed to spread to her too.“Actually, you were about to let me in for once,” she reached over to her mp3 player and turned it off with a harsh click. “No more distractions.”

 

“What's that supposed to mean?” I snapped. “I let you in all the time, you're my goddamn twin! Do I have to tell you every damn thing that goes on with me, like, do I need permission to take a piss without your supervision? Wouldn't want you to feel left out, after all,” I said, very condescendingly.

 

My tone might have made her back off before, but as I said, Mukuro was getting a lot less willing to put up with my bitchiness. She didn't flinch. “You know I'm not asking that. I just want to know the stuff that matters, so that I can help you.”

 

I laughed bitterly, more at myself than at her. How naïve my sweet older sister was. “Trust me, babe, no one can help me with this problem.”

 

She obviously took it the wrong way, her eyes narrowing. “You realize you're proving my point? Shutting me out again.”

 

Fuuuuck me. I threw my hands up in frustration. “It's just not...not that simple okay? I don't want you to worry about it.”

 

“But I'm going to, don't you get that?” She ran a hand through her hair and sighed.

 

“Well, just don't, alright?” I was getting to riled up, too anxious. I wanted to drop it before I said something that I'd regret. “Gods, can't you just do what you're told like you always have?”

 

“No, you don't have that luxury anymore, not since you tried to...well, you know what you did, damn it,” she growled. I had never heard Mukuro swear before. I should have taken this as a sign to maybe tone it down, but of course I didn't.

 

“I told you, that wasn't me,” I said, calmly, despite the sound of knives sharpening in my head. I had thought Mukuro was more considerate of my little personality problem.

 

“And how do I know that wasn't a lie? Since you've seemed to have a problem doing that in the past, there's no reason this would be different...”

 

It stung so I wanted to sting right back. “Alright then, let's assume that you're right. In all your infinite wisdom about my mental state, and I totally tried to kill myself just for the fun of it. I mean it's despair, right?! I live for it! You're not my fucking babysitter, Muku-chan,” I said, a sweet tone laced with cyanide. “In fact, wouldn't you be better off without me? You could spare yourself the fucking headache of having to deal with-”

 

Here is another example of the universe completely catching me off guard and making me fall on my ass. Not literally, but pretty damn close. If it weren't for the stinging sensation on the side of my face, I wouldn't have believed it myself. Her expression was cold, her hand still raised slightly. “What the _fuck_ , Mukuro?!”

 

“You're lucky I didn't hit you any harder!” she practically screamed.

 

I advanced towards her. “Oh please, then! Hit me as hard are you can, bitch. What, did they teach you nothing in that cult of murderers? Come on, mess my fuckin' face up,” I said, backing her into a corner, ignoring her face that looked incredibly like a snarling wolf now. I was too far gone. Whatever reasonable side I was showing before had slipped away and someone darker had taken my place. The hostility and despair of our fighting was too great for me to ignore. I wanted to make it as worse as I could. “I fucking dare you, punch me until no one can recognize my face anymore. I promise I'll return the favor.”

 

She flinched for a single moment before the mask of an assassin glossed over her features. “Don't tempt me.”

 

“Don't hold back!” I barked with a primal growl, my hot breath right in her face. Our faces were inches apart, but all thoughts of kissing her were gone from my mind. I'd much rather gnaw that pretty face to shreds. “Hurry up and do it before I start. And you know how fucking low our self control is.”

 

I wanted her to get angry, to fly off the handle and start delivering blows so that I could return them. Fighting was only fun when your prey fought back, after all. But instead something else came over her after I said those words, and she smirked at me. “Wipe that smile off your whore face and hit me, fucker!”

 

As commanded, her smile disappeared, but she didn't make any move to attack. She leaned slack against the wall instead. “I'm not going to hit you.”

 

“Awww, did the wolf bitch run out of steam on me? I'm fuckin' disappointed,” I spat.

 

“Taunt me all you like but it's not going to get you anywhere.”

 

Smug little shit. “S'at so?!” I yelled, grabbing her collar and yanking her off the ground. “I'm gonna scratch your face raw then, since you don't want to do anything about it. Is that what you want?” My breaths were heavy, the thought of such violence giving me a high.

 

“Go ahead.” she said flatly.

 

A cutesy voice took over. “C'mon Muku-neee, why don't you play with your little sister? Pwetty pwease? It'll be fun!”

 

She coolly replied. “Play with my little sister, possibly. But you're not Junko.”

 

“Huuuuh? That's kinda mean for you to say, nee-chan. Of course I'm Junko...” my face transformed into a pout at Mukuro's statement, trying to wear her down. No dice.

 

“Junko doesn't talk like that, sorry.”

 

“Oh, you wanna be mean, huh?!” the hostile barking voice. “Well, so be it!” A posh, atrocious accent took over my voice next. “We'll see to it that you get comeuppance for your rude ways, you wretched little insect.”

 

“Junko, come on,” Mukuro sighed. “I'm tired of screwing around with these guys.”

 

“What on earth are you talking about, dear? We _are_ Junko. Has your little doggie brain finally gone mad rattling around in that head of yours?” A single finger raised itself to my head and poked it for emphasis.

 

“You're the only mad one here, and less believable without your crown, princess,” she said, her voice so low it was almost a growl. Now let my sister come back.”

 

A pompous giggle. “That's a strange moniker you've invented for us. Perhaps we shall use it from now on?”

 

Mukuro didn't say anything, just continuing to stare me down.

 

“Hmph, lost your voice again, I suppose,” sneering. “And here we thought you might not be as daft as you seem after all. Perhaps _that's_ why your sister doesn't want to be around you!” A triumphant, nasally laugh. “Ever consider that, peasant? You are quite morose, after all. She's just sparing your feelings so that your delicate state of mind doesn't collapse-”

 

“Shut up, _gods_!” Mukuro screamed finally, and I was so shocked that I ceased speaking for a moment. It ripped me back from under the voices of my annoying alters and into the present. Great. Mukuro was mad, my head and stomach were churning from the constant switching, I wanted to cry or kill something or-

 

“My sister doesn't care about hurting anyone's feelings, not even mine! So if she didn't want me around she would tell me herself, so stop spouting garbage and leave me and her alone!” Mukuro shouted, her voice cracking in a way that actually made me want to crack in two as well. Mukuro doesn't scream, barely ever raises her voice. It's pathetic, considering how ruthless she is, but I still felt a twinge of guilt. She shouldn't be straining her voice just because I was being a bitch as usual.

 

It was enough to scare Hime off. I could feel her presence shrinking back into my brain and myself coming back to the present. I stumbled back into the desk, knocking a ton of shit over. My head was pounding. Disassociation is fucking trip. Not even a good trip, mind you. It seemed to be over just like that, with a cruel snap of my perfectly manicured fingers, but I knew I had said and did some terrible shit. I couldn't even remember it to enjoy the despair of it properly. As I put a hand to my lowered forehead, feeling like my brain was going to pulsate right out of my skull, I felt mortified as Mukuro tentatively stepped towards me. She was silent, still breathing a little shakily from her outburst.

 

I had told her, I had told my _self_ that I was past this. Letting my imaginary friends run wild with my body. Instead I had acted like a fucking monster again. Outstanding, truly remarkable. “Fucked up again, didn't I?” I laughed hollowly.

 

She didn't laugh with me.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be very lighthearted I promise.
> 
> Updates may be slow, but depending on how well this is received I'll see what I can do!


End file.
